Instagram has become sort of a journal for me. I wake up in the morning, go right into my gratitude practice, say a prayer for guidance, set my intention, then post on Instagram.
I’ve even copied certain entries into my notes (material for another book, perhaps).
Here’s a recent entry:
“I used to hate my chaos. I hated feeling like there were 1000 thoughts flooding my mind at all times. I couldn’t bear the overwhelm of my environment and how it made me feel totally out of control. It felt hard to be me, and I wanted desperately to “fix” myself. But then something beautiful happened. I decided to love myself instead. And that love looked like acceptance. “I am who I am. I was made with divine intention, and this ‘mess’ might actually be my message that can help people. God loves me as-is, so who am I to not love myself the same?” And slowly, over time, I found peace in the chaos. The same 1000 thoughts swirl within me at all times, but now my practice is to allow and release, rather than to resist and obsess. I still have no control over my environment, but I’ve created a home and built friendships that make me feel safe and supported. I’m still me, but instead of trying to fix myself, I accept myself fully. My goals are to grow and to be curious and to learn, rather than to stifle and to judge and to hide. I found balance in allowing and in celebrating all parts of me. No fixing necessary.”
I don’t meditate because I was born enlightened. I meditate to manage my anxiety—every day.
Of course, over time, the frequency, length, and intensity of my “episodes” has lessened. My rational mind recognizes what’s happening, and the fear isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be—if it shows up at all. I’ve developed tools to guide myself back to a state of peace and calm.
But most significantly, I’ve learned to live with a certain amount of chaos.
“I am like a boat on the ocean. My faith is my anchor. My thoughts are like waves. I allow them to roll under me, sometimes rocking me just a bit, but they never carry me away. I am anchored faithfully in the here and now.”
This affirmation that I wrote a long time ago and turned into a Bliss Note is one that has inspired many meditations and brought me back to calm from many moments of panic. It also inspired today’s meditation. I hope that it serves you as well as it has me.
It’s a privilege for me to share my experiences of transformation with you, and I love to hear yours in return. Connect with me @BexLife all over social media to co-inspire.
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