We all have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé, so why does it feel like most days are leaving you tired and uninspired with little to show for it? Yes, a full staff of assistants, nannies, and caterers-to-all-your-needs would help, but having a solid list of priorities that deserve your energy would also help you to stay focused on your goals and your happiness.
It’s also crucial to identify the places to not place your attention.
How much energy are you giving to people, projects, and problems that don’t serve you or that are simply none of your business? How many f*cks are you giving without getting anything positive in return?
You’ve sprung an energy leak. Let me help you fix it.
Here are 6 things you should stop giving f*cks about right now (like, immediately):
1. The Joneses: Comparison is stealing your joy, your time, and your ability to succeed.
No one is you, and that is your power. Comparison weakens your potential for success in all areas of your life. I know, I know—you want to say, “but comparing my life to others’ lives motivates me to do better.” That’s fine, but there’s a huge difference between being inspired and constantly measuring your accomplishments against those of another person.
Most of the time, you only get a peek at someone’s highlight reel, but you end up comparing it to your behind-the-scenes reality show. How is that fair? It’s a practice that can only make your less-than-stellar moments feel like failures, and feeling like a failure is the opposite of motivating.
Make your progress and your practice about focusing on gratitude for what already is, and then making a decision to always gravitate to the next right thing. Success is a series of tiny, intentional, mindful actions. Huge leaps and big wins are awesome, but let those be happy accidents instead of carrots dangling in front of you. Little wins give you a sense of accomplishment. They motivate and inspire you to go for the next little win, then the next.
Before you know it, you’ll be little-winning your way to the finish line without even worrying about where what’s-her-name ended up.
2. Calories: Eat real food and stop measuring it.
Calorie counting works (if your only goal is to lose weight), but it’s still just another way to stay trapped in a deprivation mindset. Wouldn’t it be amazing to regularly indulge instead?
Eating uncomplicated, whole food that’s close to the earth, unprocessed (or at least only minimally processed), and full of fiber, essential nutrients, and minerals allows you to eat more while worrying less. Calorie-counting is an archaic and punishing way to regulate weight while not addressing the real problem—which is, most of what we’re eating isn’t even worthy of being called food, and calories speak nothing of its nutritional quality.
Fill your belly with high-quality organic fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and clean proteins. Drink lots and lots of water. Indulge in nutrient-dense sweets like raw honey and pure maple syrup. Real food is your friend.
3. Pain for gain: Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it.
I’m 100% guilty of spending a lot of time pounding my body into submission with workouts that didn’t make me love myself even a little bit more than I did when I was a world champion Netflix-binger (I still hold this title, by the way).
Sure, I had toned muscles and looked fantastic in my lulus, but I was suffering through it all. There was no joy involved during the exercise—or after it was done either.
Exercise is supposed to make you feel energized, strong, and HAPPY. If you’re feeling otherwise, quit what you’re doing and find a routine that works for your soul as much as it does your body.
Besides being good for your spirit, finding a workout that fills you with joy instead of dread makes getting and staying fit easier and more sustainable. So drop the “no pain, no gain” mentality, and start moving in a way that serves your whole Self.
4. Being “selfish”: You matter, and it’s time you started acting like it.
Look, I get it. You have a lot of responsibilities, which might even include the very important job of taking care of tiny humans. I have five of them (and most days they tire me out so much that they suck the will out of me to do anything for myself, much less find the time/desire/motivation to take a bubble bath).
As clichéd as it sounds, getting a little selfish and practicing lots of self-care has actually made me a better, more engaged, and happier mother. My main method is meditation. But it’s not meditation like you probably picture it. I practice short meditations throughout the day that allow me to check in, connect, and re-charge my emotional and energetic batteries.
Like I wrote in Chapter 2 of my book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life: “Yes, I see you. I recognize that you’re a thinking, feeling person, and I’m here to listen.” That’s the essence and magic of meditation—the gift of telling yourself that you matter and that you’re worth time and attention. No pomp. No circumstance. No rules. Just showing up for yourself with compassion and without judgment. When this is your practice, meditation can serve as a mirror and the lighthouse that leads you home.
5. Indulging in “guilty” pleasures: Because why would you ever feel guilty about pleasure?
I can’t tell you how much I despise the phrase “guilty pleasure.” Let me get this straight—we aren’t allowed to feel good about things that feel good? Who made up that rule?
I don’t care if it’s sex, chocolate, or a Real Housewives marathon—I’m not going to feel guilty about a damn thing that makes me light up. I don’t know if the idea of “guilty pleasure” is a construct of the patriarchy, a terrible marketing strategy, or both, but when’s the last time you heard a man talking about indulging in a guilty pleasure and then giggling about it like he’s revealing some sort of dirty little secret?
Stop it, ladies! Whatever lights your fire, go get your pleasure on like your happiness depends on it!
6. Apathy: What? I thought we were talking about giving zero f*cks.
There are some things you should be giving many f*cks about, and there are ways to distribute those f*cks that can raise the health and happiness levels of you and other people, too.
You might have noticed that the world is in a little bit of upheaval lately. The political landscape has people prepping for the apocalypse, our food supply is threatening our well-being, whole groups of people are being stripped of their rights, and we’re wearing T-shirts and flip-flops in February (fun, but also scary AF) while people in power deny the reality of climate change. These are things we should give a whole lot of f*cks about, but it’s important to dole them out in a healthy, effective way—and in doses that don’t deplete our mental health.
Find the issue that matters to you, and then get smart about how you can affect change in that area. Research local charities, organizations, and activist groups that support your favorite cause. Consider donating your time, talent, or treasure (that’s cash) to it. Use your voice to talk to your friends, family, and social media followers about the good you and conscious groups of people are doing. This beats sitting around, spending your precious time simply complaining about the bad folks.
Taking action for social and political justice feels good. It makes you part of something bigger and helps your fellow humans (and sometimes animals and the planet, too). Giving f*cks about worthy causes is what’s going to save us all.
Make it rain f*cks all over the place when it comes to doing good.
Rebekah “Bex” Borucki, founder of BexLife.com and the Blissed In® wellness movement, is a mother-of-five, TV host, meditation guide, author, speaker, birth doula, fitness and yoga instructor, and popular social media personality. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life (Hay House 2017), is available now, wherever books are sold.
DISCLAIMER: This post/video is designed for educational and/or informational purposes only and should not be used in any other manner. This information is not intended to substitute informed medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified health care provider. A consultation with your health care professional is the proper method to address your health concerns. You are encouraged to consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.
* Beyoncé gif via GIPHY