When most people think of meditation, they think of it as a vehicle for clearing the mind and finding inner peace. The truth is that meditation is good for so much more than just achieving enlightenment.
In my 20+ years of regular daily practice, I’ve used meditation for myriad issues. It’s been a way to help me forgive people who’ve wronged me, find comfort during childbirth, maintain post-baby weight loss, and to have better sex with my husband.
Yes, meditation can improve your sex life. You can connect more fully with your partner and feel sexier in your skin just by getting quiet with your thoughts. You don’t have to be flexible or hang upside down in weird positions to feel all the feels of a juicy sexual experience. You just need to take a few moments to tune in and let go of any interference.
Orgasms Begin at Breakfast
I’m not normally a woman who turns on immediately or easily. If I’m having a bad day, it’s pretty much guaranteed that sex isn’t going to be on the menu at bedtime. That’s why I make it my intention (and my responsibility) to welcome in intimacy, starting as soon as I wake up.
I greet my husband with a smile and a “good morning.” Throughout the day I give and receive affection in the form of compliments, playful touch, hugs, and kisses. I put my phone away and make eye contact with him (the eye contact is powerful).
The intention that I set at the beginning of my day allows me to easily participate in this preparation, and it all starts in a quiet moment of meditation.
If sex (or intimacy) is something I want for myself that day, I make up my mind to be a magnet for it. And this doesn’t just mean making myself more attractive to my partner. I want to be a magnet for my own desires, too, pulling them out from hiding and allowing them to show up in a big way. During my morning meditation, I repeat a mantra—either silently or out loud—that puts me in the mood for love: “I’m ready to feel good in my body today. I’m a magnet for physical touch that makes me feel incredible in my skin.”
Then, throughout the day, I revisit my intention and that mantra. This keeps me open to and excited about a physical encounter.
A Relaxed Body is a Sexy Body
Climbing into bed with the weight of the world on your shoulders doesn’t lend itself to being receptive to romance. You want space to explore each other, so make sure you leave the emotional baggage outside the bedroom door.
I’m not saying that you have to be completely stress-free to enjoy sex, but you don’t want to be running through your grocery list over and over in your head in the heat of the moment. A distracted partner isn’t sexy, and being distracted robs you of your own pleasurable moments too.
Try this meditation at some point in your day BEFORE the anticipated hookup:
- Find a warm, quiet place where you can sit still and undisturbed for just a few minutes.
- Sit comfortably with your legs crossed or in a chair with both feet flat on the floor.
- Close your eyes and bring your attention to your easy inhales and exhales.
- With each inhale, imagine a fiery red-orange light filling your entire body.
- With each exhale, see the light dim and feel all tension leave your body.
- Repeat this breath cycle, and imagine the fiery light growing warmer and brighter with every inhale.
- After about 10 breath cycles, repeat this mantra three times (either at the end or with each exhale of the three final breath cycles): “I am worthy of feeling good. My body is ready for pleasure.”
Sex is a Great Time to Meditate
Like I said before, sex is not the time to be writing your shopping list. Anything that takes you out of that awesome moment with your partner is a disservice to your pleasure and theirs. But sex can be a time to use meditation to bring you back to the sacred now.
Use one or more of these techniques to connect and let go during sex:
- Treat your moan like an OM. Vocalize your pleasure and consciously send the vibration of your voice to all parts of your body. You may find it wakes up pleasure spots that you might not even know exist. Feel it in your lips and your fingertips. Let the vibration fill your whole body and relax any tension away. (Actually saying “OM” may or may not freak out your partner. Your mileage may vary so decide what you’re both comfortable with!)
- Use a silent mantra to be here now. If you feel yourself being carried away to another place by your thoughts, bring yourself back to the present with a silent mantra like this: “I am here. This feels amazing. I surrender to this moment.”
- Practice connection with eye contact. This might feel super hard for you, because staring into the eyes of your lover can be a powerful experience. Just as you would focus your eyes on an object and then soften your gaze when practicing eyes-open meditation, you can focus just on your partner’s right eye and have them focus on your right eye. This acknowledgment of each other is an electric affirmation of your togetherness in this moment.
If you’re still feeling like meditation has nothing to do with sex and vice versa, remember this: Meditation is about connecting you to yourself and the universe around you. It’s a way of leading you to be more open and receptive to everything amazing life has to offer, and sex is definitely one of life’s amazing things.
Taking the time to get in touch with your higher self and your needs, and allowing yourself to relax is always worth the effort. Meditation is taking time out to be in service to yourself–to your happiness, and to your success in everything. Meditation is self-care and that self-care is how you teach others how to treat, love, and respect you.
When you stop to think about it, sex is simply a physical expression of love, so why not commit to loving yourself enough to fulfill your intimate desires and needs? Consider it a moving meditation that connects the minds, bodies, and spirits of both people. It also allows you to connect with your partner and that connection helps to keep us vulnerable yet powerful, and fully in the moment. Make it a part of your practice to regularly connect in as many ways as possible–including sexual connection.
Then, just watch. You’ll find more and more good things and pleasurable experiences come your way. Abundance attracts more, so don’t be afraid of an abundance of sexual satisfaction and connection.
Bonus Excerpt from You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life (Hay House 2017)
You might have read this article and thought to yourself, “There’s no way I can feel good about sex when I don’t even feel good about my body right now.” That’s completely valid. So I’m sharing the Meditation for Body Confidence from my book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life.
Preparation / About This Meditation
“Having the body you want starts with loving the body you have.” Before you throw your hands up in the air in defeat, meditate on those words for just a moment. What are they really saying? What do they mean? I once saw a motivational quote on Instagram that really stuck with me: “I don’t work out because I hate my body. I work out because I love it.” That was an aha moment for me. What if accomplishing my goal is about improving an already good situation instead of running from a bad one? What if honoring and respecting the body I’m in right now is the key to wanting to take care of this body? And what if, in the process, my body ends up looking better than it ever has?
I wrote this meditation in the spirit of happy beginnings. When you start from a place of honor and respect, it can only be expanded upon with healthy choices.
This is meant to be a meditation of protection, as well as one to increase confidence and power. You will be called upon to express new attitudes and opinions about yourself during your meditation. Remember that repeating these words—even if they feel silly or untrue at first—will begin to make them your own.
When? Do this meditation first thing in the morning or in the early afternoon. It might energize you, so I recommend avoiding it in the evening or before bed. While it isn’t designed specifically to increase energy, you could feel a powerful emotional response while repeating the mantras, and that could certainly wake you up.
Where? You can practice this meditation absolutely anywhere—in bed first thing in the morning, on your floor pillow, or seated at your desk at the beginning of your workday. Don’t concern yourself with making your environment completely distraction-free. Because you’re repeating mantras, your mind will naturally rid itself of many distractions, both inner and outer.
Position? Place yourself in your Easy Seat.
Your hands, with fingers outstretched, are best upturned on your thighs or knees in Surya Mudra to cultivate warmth and positive energy while you repeat your mantras.
Your eyes may remain open and focused softly on a space or object in front of you. You may choose to keep your eyes closed during the whole meditation, opening them after each cycle of breaths to check in and read the next instruction. Choose whatever allows you to feel most focused and at ease.
You Have 4 Minutes to Love/Honor/Respect Your Body
Start by focusing your attention on your breath. If you’re practicing this meditation first thing in the morning, you may not be fully awake, so be careful not to slump in your seat. Your breath needs a straight and easy path to travel so that it can carry energy throughout your entire body. Soon you’ll begin to attract positive energy from all around you with your thoughts and spoken mantras. Create a clear path for that energy to flow.
The mantras below are an offering to your heart—a gift from you to you. They’re an affirmation of your strength, purpose, and beauty. Choose one of the three mantras (or any individual sentence from each mantra) for today’s practice.
1. Without manipulating your breath, observe how it feels in your chest—your heart center. Feel your lungs fill with air, warmed by your body. Feel your chest fill and lift with this warm air. Observe how filling your chest as completely as you can causes you to sit up even taller in your seat. As you exhale slowly, feel your lungs empty and the air pass through your throat and out through your mouth or nostrils.
2. If you’ve chosen to keep your eyes open, it’s time to close them for just a bit if you can. Continue this chest breathing with your eyes closed for ten cycles of inhales and exhales. Observe how your breaths deepen and lengthen during this time. At the end of your breath cycles, open your eyes for your next instruction.
3. Your posture has attracted positive energy. You’re sitting up tall, and you appear confident and strong. Even though you’re fully relaxed, your mouth has revealed a tiny smile. Your shoulders are rolled back and down, leaving your chest open wide to the space in front of you. Your whole body appears to be smiling. Your open chest is a portal for positive energy to enter your body on the inhale and return to the outside world on the exhale.
4. Your deep, long, and smooth breaths will continue to warm your body and fill you with energy. As this energy flows to every part of you, warming your arms to your fingertips and your legs to your toes, imagine the warmth as light. Imagine your body filling with light until you become a glowing, radiant being.
5. For the mantra portion of this meditation, you’ll continue to breathe as you have been for seven additional full cycles: Inhale fully, filling your chest with energizing, warming air. As you exhale, repeat your chosen mantra.
Mantra 1: I think loving thoughts about my body. I am compassionate toward my body. I am always mindful of my thoughts. My body hears my thoughts and responds well when I’m loving to myself. My thoughts about my body are forgiving and kind.
Mantra 2: My words are gentle. I speak gently about myself to myself and to others. I use words like “beautiful,” “strong,” and “healthy” to describe my body. I choose the words. No one may speak poorly about my body.
Mantra 3: I am strong. I am healthy. I am powerful. I am filled with radiant energy. I am a vision of beauty and confidence to all who see me. My body serves me well, and I am grateful for it. My body is a beautiful, miraculous machine and a sacred vessel for my soul.
The Meditation Continues . . .
1. Your mantra has taken root, and your heart has already started to believe its truth. As you move through your day and interact with family, friends, and strangers, they will see what you’ve already begun to believe. You’re sitting up taller now, and you’re radiating positive energy. If you could see your energy, it would look like warm light—a glowing, yellow light originating in your belly. Close your eyes for just a few breaths—two or three cycles of long inhales and exhales that fill your chest—and imagine yourself completely absorbed by the light. Imagine your yellow-orange light swirling and churning around you as if on the surface of the sun. You are a brilliant sun in the middle of your universe.
2. You will recall this sun image throughout your day, and it will lift you energetically and physically. You’ll stand taller, walk more purposefully, and feel warmed by this protective shield of vibrant light. It will attract all the energy you need to continue to carry yourself with confidence. You feel powerful and purposeful, but above all else, beautiful inside and out.
Rebekah “Bex” Borucki, founder of BexLife.com and the Blissed In® wellness movement, is a mother-of-five, TV host, meditation guide, author, speaker, birth doula, fitness and yoga instructor, and popular social media personality. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life (Hay House 2017), is available now, wherever books are sold.
DISCLAIMER: This post/video is designed for educational and/or informational purposes only and should not be used in any other manner. This information is not intended to substitute informed medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified health care provider. A consultation with your health care professional is the proper method to address your health concerns. You are encouraged to consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.