Karma is an interesting animal. And we often misunderstand it. Karma isn’t a system of reward or punishment. It’s a teacher and a mirror for our energy. It’s a guide leading us home. And when we try to act outside of a karmic system, when we try to resist it, we only end of prolonging discomfort and ignorance.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” — Pema Chodron
Here’s a short story—a confession, really—about my one-sided fight with a famous yoga teacher and karma.
In the summer of 2013, my mother and I stopped speaking. More accurately, my mother stopped speaking to me. She found out through the grapevine (read: Facebook) that I was moving forward with writing my memoir. This memoir would reveal secrets that she believed belonged only to her, so she got angry and cut me off.
This made me angry and broke my heart. My mother and I always had a volatile relationship—hot and cold. We were either talking 17 times every day or we weren’t speaking at all (sometimes for months at a time).
Sometime during that particular period of estrangement, I posted something on my Facebook page asking, “What would you do if your parents broke the rules with your kids?” My mother was giving the kids soda behind my back and instructing them not to tell me. I was PISSED. She was overstepping boundaries. And I was being petty. SUPER petty.
Then this woman in the picture, Elena Brower, emailed me and asked if we could talk. We had been friendly acquaintances before that, but we weren’t close. I was curious about what she might want to talk about. We got on the phone shortly after, talked for a while, and then she said something that moved me… in a few different ways.
“If you don’t heal what’s going on with your mother, you will be destined to repeat it with your children.”
We got off the phone, and I cried. Like, ugly cried. Then I wrote her an email and thanked her for her time and words. Then I HATED her. What’s that saying again? “The truth will set you free but first, it will piss you off.” Yeah, that’s it.
I carried around anger about that conversation for YEARS. Because what I haven’t mentioned yet—but many of you already know—is that my mother died suddenly just a short time after that call. We never talked it out. We never made up.
But then something happened with one of my kids last year (that’s still happening). We had a big fight and entered a long period of estrangement. It broke my heart.
In a moment of me expressing frustration and bewilderment, my younger sister said, “Don’t you see it? How [your child] is you and you’re Mommy? It’s exactly the same!”
Suddenly, I remember the conversation with Elena. It came true! I got angrier. Because my mom is dead, and there’s nothing I can do to break this cycle. I’m doomed to have horrible relationships with my kids.
Victim Status: Activated
Fast forward past meeting my amazing coach, Lauren Zander, doing some really hard work, and waking up to the reality of my life rather than the negative FALSE fantasy I had created…
I’m now approaching the healing I have to do with my own child (all my children) from that place of brokenness with my own mother. I now feel empowered to break a cycle that I was perpetuating of my own will. Because know I can FIX it with my own will (and awareness, and tools).
I’m also healing what I thought couldn’t be healed with my mother because she had died. She’s still here. Fun Fact: We don’t go anywhere.
This woman, who shocked and awed me into change, who made me so angry, is actually a fellow student of the work I’ve been doing and that I offer to you in my group coaching experience, Blocked 2 Blissed (more on that at Blocked2Blissed.com). That’s why I felt safe telling her this whole story too. How I was so angry with her. How I held the grudge. How I refused to see my own “stuff.” And how I see with full awareness, compassion, and forgiveness the actions (and feelings) that caused so much pain for others and myself.
Everything I do—the meditating, the teaching others to meditate, the sharing of my stories—is to bring this kind of awareness, healing, and magical forgiveness of self and others to the world. And to drive home the message that we can ALL do this for ourselves, together.
Are you with me?
Rebekah “Bex” Borucki, founder of BexLife.com and the Blissed In® wellness movement, is a mother-of-five, TV host, meditation guide, author, speaker, birth doula, fitness and yoga instructor, and popular social media personality. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life (Hay House 2017), is available now, wherever books are sold.
DISCLAIMER: This post/video is designed for educational and/or informational purposes only and should not be used in any other manner. This information is not intended to substitute informed medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. A consultation with your healthcare professional is the proper method to address your health concerns. You are encouraged to consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.