I have a story for you today about my new video and old haunts.
I busted my knee at yoga last week (which resulted in it swelling up like an orange — yikes/gross), so I had two glorious days in bed (thank you, Mr. Borucki!) to catch up with busy work, fiddle with my website, and make a new “welcome” video to replace the old one (where I proclaimed to be a happily married mother-of-four — poor Annie!).
I gathered a bunch of new and old video clips and got down to the business of editing a 90-second video that would tell new visitors to my YouTube channel or website who I am and what I do. Feeling generally satisfied with the finished product, I hit the publish button and stuck it on my “about” page.
Enter old haunts.
“Ugh, that VOICE! How could that voice lead meditation?”
“You’re far too ridiculous to be taken seriously by women who in any way have their shit together.”
“Spiritual leadership requires grace and tact that you do not possess. Quit before you become a joke.”
“You will never be on Oprah.”
Cue my mentor.
But then I remembered something my mentor said to me (in a super loving but TOUGH voice). “Stop being a follower. Stop comparing yourself to leaders and then acting confused when you fall short. If you don’t believe in yourself as a leader — if you can’t replace ‘Am I a leader?’ with ‘I am a leader’ — you’ll never be happy. You are not meant to fit into another person’s/industry’s/genre’s space. You create a new space.”
I’ve always struggled with feeling like I’m not doing things the “right” way. Growing up, I didn’t have examples of successful people, so I don’t know what success “should” look like. I didn’t have loving, nurturing, positive parents, so I constantly question my competency as a mother. I don’t know anyone in my industry who shows up how I do, and that made me feel like I was doing something wrong.
Healing and Recovery are not the same as a Cure.
Look, I know I’ve shared stuff like this with you before. The point of sharing again is that I want you to know that healing and recovery are tricky things. They are quite different from a cure.
Healing and recovery look like the management of a thing, not the eradication of it. I manage my anxiety, depression, self-image, and personal drama every day. The one thing I can rely on is the showing up of obstacles, tests, pressures, stress. And in accepting the inevitably of these dramas, I create more ease in my life by preparing myself with a practice that also happens every day.
Meditation. Mindfulness. Connection with community. Self-study. Movement. Proper Nutrition. Seeking answers and receiving guidance.
But the drama… it always shows up.
In the end — because of the lack of willingness to search for more serious video clips or the acceptance that this is just who I am (or probably a little of both) — I decided to use the video. No, it doesn’t look like anything you’ll find on Gabby’s or Danielle’s or Kris’ or Marie’s or Elena’s or Oprah’s websites, but if I’m doing things right, it shouldn’t.
And let us pause and remember that time Oprah wheeled a wagon full of fat onto her stage. The internet never forgets.
Wishing you blissfully messy growth,
Rebekah “Bex” Borucki, founder of BexLife.com and the Blissed In® wellness movement, is a mother-of-five, TV host, meditation and yoga guide, author, speaker, birth doula, and life transformation and resilience coach. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life (Hay House 2017), is available now, wherever books are sold.
DISCLAIMER: This post/video is designed for educational and/or informational purposes only and should not be used in any other manner. This information is not intended to substitute informed medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. A consultation with your healthcare professional is the proper method to address your health concerns. You are encouraged to consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.