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My Fitness Diary: 10.15.09 “Ugly Fitness”

Why do I workout? Why do I wake up when it’s still dark, shovel oatmeal into my mouth, and rush to meet my trainer when I’d rather be in bed? Why do I – a person who is perfectly satisfied with her love life, her family life, and her financial life – choose day after day to push her body to its limits?

Beyond the craziness of raising kids, taking care of a family, and squeezing work in between, I expect to somehow maintain a workout & diet regimen that is going to ensure my good health and a long life. It’s hard. I’m tired. And I love it. After gaining 25 food-and-depression-fueled pounds during a very messy divorce four years ago and keeping it on for 2 and a half long years, I needed to regain control of my body… and my sanity. Nothing – for me – has been so challenging, so therapeutic, and so attitude adjusting as the process of getting myself back in shape.

Getting fit has never been about looks. I have three kids now, and I’ll never look like I did when I was 18… I don’t want to be 130 pounds again. I don’t have that same round fresh face and those non-existent hips. I’m a grown-up woman now, with grown-up goals and grown-up realities. I use pounds and jeans size to measure my progress, but it doesn’t dictate how sexy or successful I feel. I was sick of being tired, and I was tired of feeling like my body was working against me. I wanted to feel healthy and full of energy… looking good in a short skirt would be nice, but I would rather be able to run around the park with my kids without getting winded.

The truth is that I feel my best when I look my ugliest – after a hard run when the sweat is dripping down my back and my clothes are stuck to my skin, after an ass kicking weight training session when my veins are popping out of my arms, pushing out that last rep as I furrow my brow and tighten my lips.


post gym

But don’t be fooled by the angry look on my face. The pleasure hormones, endorphins, are working their magic and I’m never feeling better. In these awesome moments following a good workout, I’m on cloud nine and feeling invincible. My heart is beating hard in my chest, my muscles are on fire, and I feel even stronger than I did just an hour before.


post after-dark run

These brief moments of bliss, tiny moments of personal triumph, only leave me hungry for more. Before I’m even out of my post-workout shower, I’m already thinking of my next session… will I go hiking through the woods? run through the park? hit the gym and take my stress out on the weights? I’m already setting new goals and figuring out how to push my limits further.

Pushing myself physically has influenced so many other parts of my life. We all have time to make better choices… reading to Jack rather than catching up on The Real Housewives, taking a walk with Justin rather than staring at my laptop, trying a new recipe with Winona rather than driving to get a fast greasy dinner. Making time to be healthy has added structure to my life. Its given me discipline and a renewed sense of self worth and satisfaction.


pre 6AM workout

So while I definitely do look better than ever in a short skirt and heels, it’s more important to me that I can run faster and longer than ever before in sweatpants and sneakers.

279 responses to “My Fitness Diary: 10.15.09 “Ugly Fitness””

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  215. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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  241. At this time it seems like WordPress is the preferred blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

  242. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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  253. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to generate a good article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don’t seem to get nearly anything done.

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  257. At this time it seems like WordPress is the best blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

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  259. At this time it sounds like Expression Engine is the best blogging platform available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

  260. Can I simply say what a comfort to find an individual who truly understands what they’re discussing on the internet. You certainly understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people have to look at this and understand this side of the story. I can’t believe you aren’t more popular because you most certainly have the gift.

  263. Aw, this was a really nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to create a great article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and don’t manage to get anything done.

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  277. Can I simply just say what a relief to find someone that really understands what they are discussing online. You definitely realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people really need to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you aren’t more popular because you certainly possess the gift.

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